Why am I here? Where was I before and where will I be after this? What purpose do I have to serve to be able to justify my being born with all the blessings and privileges I have?
These questions have been invading my mind since many many years now. Sometimes they just come and go as the questioning mind gets distracted soon and at times they linger for a few hours or even days and then again get fizzled and forgotten as I get busy in the act of living my humble existence, the very existence that raises the questions my unenlightened mind is attempting to find answers for.
And then after a while they again come back poking and prodding my consciousness to find out why it exists in this form, time and age. The answers are hard to find but I know that there are explanations for my quandaries and quests and these existential enquires aren’t absolutely baseless for I have begun to find some vague answers which are opening newer perspectives and paths for my restless being.
The first mystery that all the contemplating decoded for me is my biggest fear in life. I have always been too scared of death because I feel it will take everything away from me. I won’t be able to see my family, my children and this thought scares the life out of me. Some time back while searching for the big answers I found a way to deal with my fear of not remaining there forever. I realized that I wasn’t there in other times as well which were the times before my birth. I wasn’t there when India became an independent nation, when the world wars happened, when the telephone or television were invented and when my parents were young and vulnerable. I didn’t witness all those events or maybe I did in another life and don’t remember and it didn’t and it doesn’t matter.
Similarly I won’t be there in the times after my death. When my children will be getting old, when the residents of earth start building houses at Mars and when all nations of the world become united and one big single, peaceful place. I won’t see all those events and the thought doesn’t and won’t matter much to me or anyone else.
Finding rational in my past and future absences and their insignificance in my awareness, the fear of death is somewhat settled but the big question still remains. Why am I here? The mystery of this life still remains.
I don’t care about the times that I haven’t seen and I am contented just reading and learning about those gone ages, although at times I feel should have been there at certain times and who knows if I was in another form. The times I won’t see in future do not perturb me as well. But I do care about the one time that I am very much conscious about and which is right now.
I care because I am here, in this moment on this day, on this earth and I am not ready to believe that I am here just like that, by a pure coincidence. When I look at the date on the calendar or the time on the clock I feel that the time knows and would always know that I was there on this date and time and did I do anything noteworthy or significant while I was there. I may not know the past before me or the future after me but I know that I am here in the present and the present knows that I am here.
The thought excites and frightens me at the same time as I don’t want to waste this present at all doing or chasing trivia and wasting the rare, precious moments that I am only conscious of. I don’t know why I am here but I know that it’s not without a reason. I might be sounding too self absorbed with my existence and my doubts but it’s about all of us. I don’t think any of us is here without a reason. It’s just that it’s each person’s job to find his or her reason as I am doing finding my own.
This thing I have always been certain of is that none of us is here without a purpose. Our purpose is the biggest piece of our life’s puzzle. Unfortunately many of us are too busy sorting and arranging the much smaller pieces of our life like our relationships, jobs, money, social status and validation and would run out of time and energy placing them and trying to make the big picture without much success. Because however hard we may try the big picture can’t be pieced together without the biggest piece of the jigsaw.
On the other hand, there are those few who find the purpose and for them everything else fits in perfectly maybe also because everything else becomes smaller and fears deemed insignificant and so acts keen to fit in. That’s the irony of life. You run after flimsy things and they evade you and you stop chasing them and become occupied with the real things in life and the insubstantial bows in front of you.
So find the big reason for your being here as a part of the big evolutionary process of the world. Find your powers and responsibilities in making the world a better place and get busy playing your part.
The exact role and reason may elude us for some more time but till the time we don’t understand it we have to live fully in the moment because it’s only in these moments that we exist. We exist to serve in the course of the world and we may have forgotten what purpose we served in the life before this one and we may forget this time as well but the world will be forever marked by any worthy contribution made by us.
And if you are not able to find the exact meaning of your existence then do the obvious big things like being compassionate to every being around you, caring for the world and its every element, becoming responsible for yours life as well as others’ lives, leading a more holistic, productive, optimistic, ethically and morally higher life and being absolutely blissful and grateful for everything you have.
A positive approach towards life can show us the meaning of our life because it is there already but can be only seen with a believer’s perspective. A doubting mind can’t even accept the visible, out in the face facts let alone the minuscule meanings and signs hidden in our daily highs and lows we collectively call our life.
I myself have found many answers to my big questions and that’s because He turned me into a believer. I believe that I am here for a reason. I believe that the reason is bigger than satiating any worldly needs and wants I have. I believe that if I keep seeking the unknown which is also the meaning I am looking for I shall find it one day. I believe that my keenness to find the answers is also preparing me to live them when I reach that point. I believe that I won’t leave this conscious state of my being without serving the world to the best of my abilities.
I love my big questions and the restlessness they produce inside me at times because that keeps my conscious alive and attempting to reach the higher planes of existence.
My reader, I hope it does for you too.